This year at Build IT LIVE, we were lucky to have John Maxwell join us, not just as a speaker, but as a friend. He flew in to celebrate Sunny’s birthday and graciously gave the keynote address on our main stage.
Now, John isn’t just a leadership legend. He’s also a mentor of mine. And during his talk, he shared something that hit so deeply, I think it became the biggest takeaway for nearly everyone in the room.
He said: “The only person you should be comparing yourself to is your past self.”
That line stopped me in my tracks.
At first, I nodded along like most people do when they hear something wise. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized how often I forget that simple truth.
Because if we’re being honest, we all compare.
In the gym, I look over at the woman next to me on the stair climber. She’s breezing through level 8, barely sweating, and somehow still glowing. Meanwhile, I’m gasping for air, trying not to glare. She’s so thin. What more weight could she possibly want to lose? And yet, I’m the one caught comparing.
At conferences, I watch speakers take the stage: brilliant, accomplished, and often half my age. And I find myself wondering, how did they get there? What am I doing wrong?
I know I’m not the only one who slips into this trap.
We all have friends growing massive businesses. Others who are nurturing beautiful families. Some seem to have both: all while staying centered and joyful. And many of us feel a twinge of, “Why not me?”
We compare our timelines. Our success. Our bodies. Our homes. Our follower counts.
We compare our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.
But John’s words pulled me back.
If the only person I should be comparing myself to is my past self, then everything changes.
Am I stronger today than I was a year ago? Am I more grounded, more honest, more at peace with who I am?
If I can say yes to those questions, then I’m moving in the right direction.
That doesn’t mean I ignore areas where I want to grow. And it doesn’t mean I avoid feedback or challenges. But it does mean I stop holding myself up against someone else’s journey, because that’s a measurement that was never meant for me.
Was I skinnier two years ago? Absolutely.
Is that the most helpful thing to dwell on? Probably not.
Especially when my hormones are staging a full-scale revolt and I’m doing my best to give myself a little grace.
But here’s what I do know:
I’m a better version of myself today than I was five, ten, even fifteen years ago. Not in every category, not in every moment. But in the ways that matter most. I’ve had hard seasons. I’ve had beautiful ones. And every step has shaped me into who I am now.
So, when the urge to compare sneaks in, and let’s be honest, it always does. I pause and ask:
Where was I before? And where am I now?
Not where she is. Not where they are.
Just me. Am I evolving? Am I growing into the person I want to be? Because that’s the only progress that’s real.
If you’ve been feeling like you’re behind or not quite enough, I want to remind you: you’re likely measuring yourself against a story that was never yours to live.
Your only job is to be better than you were yesterday.
That might mean more patience. More rest.
More courage to speak the truth.
Or simply more joy in ordinary moments.
And on the days when the answer to “Am I better than I was?” is no: that’s okay too!
That’s a reflection point, not a failure. We’re not finished.
This is what I’ve committed to moving forward: When I start comparing, I bring it back to me.
Who was I last year? Who am I now? And who am I becoming? Because that’s where the joy is. That’s where the power is.
And as John reminded us all on that stage, comparison isn’t a measuring tool; it’s a distraction.
So, when it creeps in again, and it will, I’ll breathe. I’ll look back, not sideways.
And I’ll keep moving forward with intention.
Because the person I’m becoming is the only one, I’m meant to compete with.
