It’s not always easy to feel good about yourself, especially when things aren’t working out the way you’d hoped. We talk about gratitude often in our home, and Sunny and I try to model it daily for our children. It’s not just about being thankful for what’s going right, it’s about staying grounded when it’s not.
There’s a different kind of muscle we all must build: the ability to lift ourselves up.
Recently, our youngest son, Shaan, shared a moment from his college prep journey that reminded me just how powerful that can be. He was meeting with his college counselor as part of his application to the Yale Young Scholars Program. They were reviewing his grades, and he casually listed them off: A, A, A, B, A. The counselor paused and said, “Oh no… a B?”
Without missing a beat, Shaan replied, “Yeah, but I’m sure I’ll bring it up. It’s a tough class. She’s a great teacher, but a hard grader. I’ll figure it out.”
And that was it. No spiral. No shame. Just a calm sense of ownership and belief that he could get back on track. His counselor smiled and said, “You know, most students would get really down on themselves over a single grade. I often have to pick them up from being discouraged about it. But you? You bring yourself up. I love that.”
That moment stuck with me. As a parent, I was incredibly proud. We’ve raised children who don’t crumble when something doesn’t go perfectly. But as a leader, it hit even deeper. That mindset, the ability to lift yourself up is something every team, every organization, and especially every leader needs to cultivate.
Resilience isn’t just a trait. It’s a practice.
There’s a quiet confidence that comes from believing you can recover, that a mistake doesn’t define you. Whether it’s a missed quota, a tough client call, or a project that didn’t land the way you hoped: these aren’t indictments. They’re invitations. Or, as we often say in our household, opportunities.
That perspective doesn’t show up on its own. It must be nurtured: first in ourselves, and then in the people we lead.
When a sales rep has a tough quarter, do they feel like they’ve failed? Or do they know we’ll walk through the numbers together, explore the opportunities, and figure out where to adjust? When someone on the service team misses a KPI, do they expect to be benched? Or do they feel empowered to come back stronger next month?
People perform differently when they know they’re allowed to be human. That doesn’t mean we lower expectations. It means we raise our belief in them.
And that’s the real job of a leader. To build people who can build themselves.
The world doesn’t always give you a gold star for trying (well, some little leagues do 😊, but that’s a different story). So, if people only feel valuable when they’re winning, they’ll break the moment they lose. And that creates a dangerous cycle for them, and for the culture of your organization.
Our responsibility as leaders goes beyond fixing the short term. We’re here to develop people who can show up with belief in the long term. People who say, “Okay, that didn’t go how I planned, but I’ll figure it out.”
That can-do attitude matters.
We talk about creating resilient organizations, but resilience starts at the individual level. It begins with helping people see that one rough day, one grade, one meeting doesn’t tell the whole story. What matters more is how they respond.
Imagine what happens when you build a team full of people who don’t need constant reassurance, because they’ve learned how to encourage themselves. It’s exhausting to always be the one lifting others. That’s why we must build the habit in our teams that they can also lift themselves.
That doesn’t mean stepping back. It means leaning in differently. We recognize and celebrate when someone bounces back. We notice their effort before the outcome. We give them space to solve problems without jumping in to fix everything for them.
Because the truth is, everyone struggles. What matters is whether they’ve built that inner voice that says, “It’s okay. I’ve got this. I can do better next time.”
That’s the kind of mindset I want for my team. That’s what I want my kids to take with them into college admissions meetings, job interviews, boardrooms, and everywhere else life takes them.
Lift yourself up. That’s the work.
