What do you do when someone doesn’t see you?
Now, I don’t mean physically see you but rather see who you are at the core of your being. What does your spirit say? What does your heart say? Sometimes, there are people very close to us who just can’t see us. They don’t understand our value system, what drives us, or the intentionality behind our actions. So, what do you do in those instances?
It’s hard—it happens to the best of us. It’s easy for people to cast judgments, but it’s much harder to actually feel seen.
There are relationships in our lives that just don’t work. It doesn’t make either person “bad”; it just means there’s a failure to connect—and that’s okay. It took me a long time to finally realize that it’s okay if I don’t get along with everyone. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. When you grow up in an Indian household surrounded by extended family, that’s a lot of people, and a lot of personalities.
There were many years where some of us cousins couldn’t stand each other—heck, there were times we couldn’t even stand our own siblings. But we learned, and I hope, with age, accepted.
The reason I bring this up: I’m heading to a big, fat Indian wedding next week. One of my favorite cousins—yes, I can have favorite cousins (but not favorite kids or siblings!)—is getting married. I’m reconciling my emotions before I go.
There will be a LOT—and I mean A LOT—of people at this wedding. My uncle, whose son is getting married, is extremely well-known and loved in the entire community. He really stepped up for us when our dad passed away and filled a void for us kids. So, obviously, we’re all going to the wedding.
While there will be a lot of people, there will also be a lot of personalities. Now, you’re probably thinking, Kam, so what? It’s just a day—you can deal. But for those of you who don’t know, Indian weddings aren’t a one-day affair—they last a whole week. As my sister would say, “That’s a lot of peopling that needs to be done.”
For me, it’s a little tough. You see, I got married at 21 and left Vancouver for New Jersey. And while it’s been almost 26 years, for many in my family, I’m still that 21-year-old. So, it’s hard. They don’t realize who I’ve become—the fact that I’m pretty well accomplished, capable of making intelligent decisions, and have matured. They don’t see this Kam. They see the 21-year-old Kam.
They don’t know who Kam is in New Jersey. They don’t know my values, what drives me, the work I do, and how deeply it fulfills me. They just don’t know.
So, I begin my meditation—or I will start (yes, I will!)—and prepare myself for the inevitable joy and frustrations to come. When you’re someone like me—confident in your own skin—and you walk into an environment where people think they know you, but really don’t, you have to take a long sigh and practice patience.
I share this with all of you because we all have moments where we may not feel seen. Whether it’s with a specific friend group, with family, or at work—it’s how we handle those situations that matters. There are people who love us, but don’t necessarily know us. And the point is—that’s okay.
We don’t always have to get along with everyone, and we definitely don’t need to be their besties. But we do need to be okay with the situation. It’s when we don’t accept reality that tension arises.
I’m okay with the fact that many in my family don’t know who I really am. And it’s with that acceptance that I can find joy. I can choose my interactions, step back when needed, and have fun with those who do see me.
With this realization, I choose me.
And I accept that not everyone will “see” me—and that’s okay.
Because I see me.
And I’m pretty awesome and content with who I am.
