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egos at the table

Egos at the Table

Let’s be real: we all have an ego. And that’s okay! Confidence and a sense of self-worth are important. The real challenge kicks in when you’ve got multiple egos at the table (or in your leadership team), and no one’s taken the time to teach (yes, teach) them how to communicate and collaborate effectively. 

I get it—there are books about the “egoless leader.” But let’s be clear, I’m not saying we should go all-in on self-centered thinking. Confidence is a good thing and so is knowing what you bring to the table. 

For example, I know service delivery isn’t my zone of genius, and I’m not pretending it is. But give me something tied to branding or aesthetics, and I’ll jump in with full confidence. That’s where I shine, and I want my team to know they can count on me for those tasks. The problem isn’t in recognizing someone’s strengths; it’s when someone thinks they’re the only one who can do a job. 

As my good friend John Maxwell says, “Leadership is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Let that sink in. 

So, having egos at the table? Not a bad thing. It’s all about balance—making sure no one ego takes over and no one forgets the bigger purpose: the people and goals we’re here to serve. 

Making Egos Work Together 

How do you get those egos to play nice in a leadership team? I wish I could tell you there’s a magic answer—like a secret recipe or a button you can push. (And honestly, if I could, I’d also go back 30 years and invest in Google stock!) But the truth is, it takes work. 

At ITBD, we’ve learned a few things over the years, and while we’re always learning, these strategies have been game-changers for us.

1. Personality Assessments

Every team member completes a personality assessment. We use Dr. Larry Little’s Make a Difference assessment, which is like the DISC profile but with animals. Why animals? Because they make it easier to relate to. 

  • Monkey: Social and thrives on positive vibes. 
  • Camel: Detail-driven and all about process. 
  • Lion: Visionary and motivated, but not always mindful of the ripples they create. 

We need all these types at the table. The trick is understanding how to connect with them. 

For example, when I talk with Javid, I know he needs details—facts and specifics. Sunny? He wants the big picture—the outcome and how we’ll get there. Knowing their “inner animals” helps me navigate those conversations and respect their styles.

2. Working Genius Framework

We also lean on The Working Genius framework to figure out where people naturally excel in the process. It’s not just about what they can do; it’s about aligning their strengths with the tasks they’ll crush.

3. The Collaborative Way

Three years ago, we adopted The Collaborative Way principles and let me tell you—they’ve been a game-changer. This framework has taught us how to communicate better across the organization. We even trained some of our team members to become certified trainers so they could share this with everyone in ITBD. 

Here’s a glimpse of what we’ve learned: 

  • Address conflict in a constructive way. 
  • Listen generously (yes, listen). 
  • Assume good intent. 
  • Be for each other. 
  • Give meaningful praise. 
  • Drop the filters that cloud communication. 

Building Emotional Intelligence (EQ) 

Now, I don’t know if you can teach someone EQ, but I do believe you can give them tools to see themselves—and others—more clearly. And let’s be honest: in leadership, EQ is way more important than IQ. It’s the secret sauce for managing egos and creating a team that thrives. 

So, if you’re leading a team and trying to figure out how to bring all these different egos together, start by helping them see the value in each other’s strengths. Give them the tools to communicate better. No, it won’t erase the egos, but it will create a table where those egos don’t just coexist—they thrive. 

For more content like this, be sure to follow IT By Design on LinkedIn and YouTube, check out our on-demand learning platform, Build IT University, and be sure to register for Build IT LIVE, our 3-day education focused conference, August 4-6, 2025 in Jersey City, NJ!