‘Tis the season for gifting, and in that spirit, I wanted to share a lesson I learned recently. It’s about the greatest gift you can give someone: doing something for others that they cannot do for themselves. The greatest way to influence people is by adding value to their lives in a meaningful way.
Now, I’m not talking about monetary gifts—although, who doesn’t love a new pair of Uggs? 😊 Instead, I’m referring to something they couldn’t achieve or experience without your help. While I’m sharing this idea during the holiday season, it’s not something to reserve for just this time of year. Every day, we should ask ourselves, “What can I do for someone that they can’t do for themselves?” It’s all about adding value to others.
Let me share an example. I have a friend, James, who is the CEO of a large managed service provider. James and I often discuss our mutual love of leadership development books, and we are both avid fans of John Maxwell. Last year, during one of our conversations, I started thinking about what I could do for James that would be truly impactful. I reached out to my contacts at the John Maxwell company to see if James could join their private leadership group. This isn’t something you can apply for online. It’s a closed group with limited availability, reserved for legacy members who are invited back annually. Getting someone new into the group requires significant effort.
James hadn’t asked for this, and it wasn’t Christmas. I simply wanted to add value to his life. You see, leadership is about empathy and thinking of others more than ourselves. When we do this, opportunities to make meaningful contributions often present themselves in our day-to-day lives.
Now, not all of us have the connections to create such grand gestures—and that’s okay. The goal is intentionality. Let’s consider another example. A team member of ours, Vikram, dreams of riding his motorcycle across the country. Knowing this, I could help plan a route highlighting major sites, book hotels along the way, and give him the time off to make it happen. It’s not just about money; it’s about creating a memorable and meaningful experience that he will cherish forever.
OK, not looking to spend so much? You can still add a note of sentimentality to your gift. Our son was struggling with life choices and the time that medical school would take. I got him a watch—nice, but not too fancy—for Christmas and had it inscribed on the back: “It’s not about the length of the journey, it’s about the destination.”
Now, not everyone is a great gift giver. My sister once gave me dishwasher tabs as a housewarming gift. But that’s OK; we can all learn. No excuses. It starts every day, by thinking about the people around you. Develop intentionality. Rita often says my love language is gifting. For me, it’s not just about material things but experiences—the kind of moments people can’t create for themselves due to financial, creative, or logistical barriers. Provide others with opportunities that will leave a lasting impact.
If you’re wondering, “Sure, Kam, but how do I start?” don’t worry—you don’t need extraordinary creativity. What you need is to listen. People share their wishes, values, and dreams in everyday conversations. As a leader, be intentional about noting these details down. Keep a running list of what your team enjoys, what motivates them, and how they like to be appreciated. You’ll be amazed at how much you can learn by simply listening.
Once you start, think about how you can help them achieve something they can’t—or won’t—do for themselves. Think about the people in your network who could help you. It’s all about creating lasting memories and making an impact.
So, as you shop for gifts this holiday season, take a moment to think beyond the material. Be creative and intentional. Add value to someone’s life by giving them something they can’t achieve on their own. That’s the true spirit of gifting.
