At what age is it appropriate to call our children moochers? Yes, yes, that’s a technical term for a life force that mooches off of its parents. With Mother’s Day just passing, and Father’s Day upon us, I started thinking.
You see, this all began with my nephews. My sister and I have very different parenting styles. She is the free loving Mom from Woodstock. She lets them make their own decisions at their own pace—you’d think she wasn’t an Indian Mother with that attitude 😊. I, on the other hand, am the General that you take to war. I like my children to have a plan, clear focus and make sure they are moving in some direction. If they don’t know what they want to major in, let’s take some summer classes in various programs to see which one we like. No doubts here—yes, very much an Indian Mother 😊.
Anyway, this diatribe all started with my nephews and how I have started calling two of the three of them Moochers. Technically, the oldest doesn’t qualify since he is 26, but he is getting his PHD at Oxford University in Molecular something that is difficult to remember. He’s smart, and so if tuition payments are required, let’s hope Oxford pays big bucks eventually. I like to believe that parents should keep a running tab on the expense their children have caused, so that if they should ever move away, they are more than able to do so once they have returned our investment money in them.
For those of you who are unaware of the Indian culture, we like to believe that our male children will live with us forever, and we will have joint homes where everyone is one big happy family—just kidding. But one of these kids is definitely going to take care of us when we are old. No nursing homes for Indian parents. So, we remind our children of their debt to us each time they upset us.
You may laugh, but yes, by the time my oldest graduates, I’m guessing with interest we have probably spent $2 million on his schooling, room and board, that car, and let’s not forget those exorbitantly expensive protein shakes (seriously, what is inside those Fairlifes —is it gold for what they charge). I even at one point started counting unnecessary co-pays at doctors’ offices towards Christmas Gifts, it was getting ridiculous with those fake coughs and “mommy, don’t you care that I’m sick?” Sure, you are kid. By the time we add these charges up, and hopefully, they start to earn their own money, I’m saying $2 mill.
The two younger nephews of mine, who I love dearly but oh, they try this general, have been very content living the life off of their mother. Up on their 42nd-floor apartment with unrestricted views of Vancouver. The apartment had 4 bedrooms but only two had ensuite bathrooms, and of course, the children got those (URGH!). They didn’t even try to give it to their mother. The middle one graduated a few years ago and is looking for a career. My advice is to get a job first, a career can come later. Waiting for the career doesn’t pay the bills. Tick tock tick tock. The youngest is her baby, but he’s almost 22 and likes to take school at his leisure, a good three courses per semester, and hopefully he will graduate by December. No job for either of these children.
So, the question came up—When is the right time for children to stop mooching off their parents? I had my first job at the age of 16. I worked at the Staples copy center and put myself through university working four days a week and going to school full-time the other three. It was a rite of passage—ping!—your 16 now go get a job. My sister was working as well at that time, so what happened to her?
I’m not one to cast stones, while my oldest is Captain of his volunteer fire department, that’s all he wants to do outside of school. While he does work, he earns $1 / hour for his full-time job. He can cash those dollars in for department merchandise, so needless to say, we all get Varna Fire Department Jackets for Christmas 🙂 He did work for money last year, at the age of 19, for the whole 2.5 months of summer, but I didn’t really see any of that money being spent to reduce his expenses on our credit cards.
My middle one just finished freshman year, and I’m thinking, let’s get a summer job, or at least, a paid internship. If they don’t get a job, I consider them my personal Uber drivers and they are required to earn their keep. That means grocery runs, dropping off the nanny, taking the dogs to the vet—anything that I need done, the kids must do. I finally got to the point and put them all on budgets.
No credit card spending unless there is a fire, literally, and you live within your means. I know I joke often about being the Mom where my kids live with us forever, but honestly, except for the heir (yes that’s the oldest son in Indian homes, we are their burden to bare for life), I actually look forward to having money again.
It’s almost like a dream, the day the tuition payments end, and they stop using your credit card, or sneaking your Apple Cash. On that day, yes, that day, we will buy a Ferrari (because Lord knows, that’s how expensive kids and schooling is). I know, these are the rantings of a middle-aged Indian mother, but I’m sure the Italian moms empathize with me as well. When do our children stop mooching and start paying us back on our investment?
Any other place we invest money we expect a return, so at what age should they start paying us back, or at least paying for themselves? I’d love your thoughts, and yes, I adore my kids and yes they are spoiled, but they also have a general for a mother so they cook, clean, do their own laundry, have good manners, walk and bathe the dogs and say “I love you” to their Mom whenever they leave the house.
OK, maybe they can Mooch for a little longer 🙂
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