I was watching an interview of Kobe Bryant recently about leadership. In it, he says that leadership is lonely, and it resonated so well. You see, I had a conversation with one of my team members about the need to be liked versus the need to lead well. There is a difference. As a leader, you can’t always make popular decisions. The fate of your organization is in your hands. Your team doesn’t always see all the intricacies that go into making decisions. All they get to see are the last-minute changes that upset them. Whether it’s a graphic that needs to be redone leading to shipping hassles, or maybe it’s a change in direction in how we’re positioning our products, these decisions are never easy. As a leader, you must make many decisions—it can be exhausting.
Your team members are not in the room during your leadership L10s; they don’t know all the intricacies that go into one decision. They only see their individual contribution and how it’s being impacted. And while some of us leaders do try to communicate our why as effectively as possible, we can’t always share everything. And that’s why leadership can be lonely. You’re not always going to be well liked. Not that you’re mean but your decisions can impact individuals and maybe that causes them some angst.
One of the most famous dynamic duos in the history of sport is Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. While Tom is considered the greatest of all-time quarterbacks and Bill is one of the greatest coaches to ever lead in the game, they had a very contentious relationship. But you see, Bill wasn’t there to be Tom’s best friend. Bill was there to make sure that Tom produced at the highest of his capabilities. Good, bad, or ugly, he knew his job: producing winning teams.
Don’t get me wrong, relationships are important. But being a leader isn’t easy. People will always question your decisions. Some will get angry. You aren’t here to be everyone’s best friend. Some will try to protect you or justify your actions. Those that know how to lead know that it’s not easy being a good leader.
We are an organization of over 600 team members, which means there are many different personalities. Like your children, we know that not every person is the same. Just as we modify our parenting styles based on each child, we also need to modify our leadership styles sometimes based on the individuals. There will be some that don’t understand and are not adaptable. They may not grow with your organization, and that’s OK.
Recently, we had a situation where a leader came to me and told me that there was a team member who was upset because we made last-minute changes. I advised the leader that it’s OK. As my team grows, and individuals grow into larger roles, adaptability is important. I’m not here to be everyone’s best friend. I’m here to make responsible decisions for the greater good of our 600 families that we support. There are always going to be changes, there are always going to be people who question your decisions or try to blame others. That’s why leadership is so lonely. But it’s OK.
As long as every decision that you make is done for the greater good, that you communicate with kindness, that you’re open to hearing perspectives, and that, if possible, you try to explain your why even if they don’t agree with you, you’ve done your job as a leader.
Sometimes being a leader sucks. You want to be the cool kid, the one that’s loved by everybody, getting high fives in the hallways—but leaders don’t get that luxury. Sunny and I are responsible for 600 families. So, for us, our decisions matter, and they may not always be the most popular decisions, but that’s OK. Because leadership is lonely, but if done well, it can leave a legacy of champions.
