I want to share the story of my Mom with all of you. This week is International Women’s Day and for many, that is a day to celebrate the successful women around us. So I want to celebrate my Mom, not because she is the CEO of some large corporation, but because she survived and thrived when other women would have crumbled.
You see, during her generation, and even in many Indian homes today, a woman’s role is defined by her relationships. She is first born a daughter, then a sister who eventually becomes a wife and hopefully a mother. Her role in life is based on these relationships and defines her accomplishments. They even have a word for girls in the home – “paroni” – which means guest, because she is a guest in her parents’ home and will one day be married and have her family and children in her husband’s home. That is her role in life.
Well, let’s just say, whether my Mom gets it or not, she really did break many of these societal norms. When my Mom got married to my Dad, she was actually in college studying. She was smart and educated. Back in the early 70’s, this really wasn’t the case in Indian homes. She was married at the age of 20, which was actually late back then, as most girls were married in their late teens. My Dad had traveled from Canada to find his new bride, and my Mom was a real “catch.”
She moved to Canada with my Dad and got a job. She wasn’t expecting to be a housewife like many others, she knew that for them to build a life, she would need to work. So she got a job at a sewing factory, starting at minimum wage which was $5/hr back then. A short year later, my sister was born. My mom juggled both work and home, managing shifts with my Dad to ensure that someone was home with the kids. She sacrificed her glory days, those twenties, to raise her kids.
Two years later, I arrived. My mom will tell everyone, she had me potty trained at the age of 6 weeks. YES, I wrote 6 weeks. Now, that’s not just because I’m an overachiever, which I am a little 🙂 but it was out of necessity. She had to work and balancing two kids meant a lot of bills as well, and by golly diapers were expensive.
She always worked and juggled our home and family. So growing up, in my mind, of course women could do it all – my mom was living proof. They were equal contributors to the home financially, but at the same time, built a schedule where both she and Dad took on duties to raise the kids. Dad was the one that made us breakfast, dropped us at school, had peeled almonds ready for us when we got home (those from Indian homes know that those 10 peeled almonds daily supposedly made us smarter). He was the one that would take us to the doctor’s if we were sick, or the dentist for checkups. Then off to work he would go, and Mom would arrive and take over. Teaching us to cook and clean, making sure we did our homework, fulfilling family obligations and taking care of our grandparents. They were a team.
A husband and wife duo – in the 70s and early 80s, again, definitely not common. Most men would come home and expect food to be served to them. My Mom and Dad alternated shifts and each did their part – that was some great training by my Mom.
Growing up, it didn’t matter if we were girls or boys, everyone cleaned and cooked. We all helped carry the weight of managing the home, and learned early on that a family worked together to run a home.
When my brother was finally born, after three girls and one still birth, he was premature by 2.5 months and weighed less than 3 lbs. He was the first child to survive with underdeveloped lungs and a specialist from Germany had flown in to do the procedure. He was a miracle baby that spent the first year of his life in the hospital, and even after that, the next few years we would spend going back and forth to Children’s Hospital. She managed it all and showed her daughters how to build internal strength.
When my Dad suddenly died when she was 39, leaving her with 4 kids aged 18, 16, 9 and 8 she didn’t crumble. Her life shattered, but she did not break. She had raised her daughters with strength, so when she needed it, they were there to support her until she could rise up again. She raised her 4 children, made sure we were all educated, and never lacked for essentials, all on a salary of $7/hr. She made sure we were all capable of standing on our own two feet, and no matter what, knew she was standing behind us through any situation.
When my brother and his wife moved to Ottawa for work, she didn’t leave her home. All of her friends and family were in Vancouver. She had her life, and didn’t need anyone to take care of her, she could do that all by herself. She stayed in the home she and Dad had built, not needing any man – even her son – to provide for her.
So when people call me “superwoman” and ask me how I balance it all, I simply tell them that I had a great role model in my Mom. She turns 70 this week, and even today, she is standing on her own two feet, smart and self-sufficient, supporting her kids when they need her but also enjoying her own life. While we as her children may not always agree with her (come on she’s our Mom), we all admire her. It’s probably why she has raised three strong, intelligent, fiercely loyal daughters. What is that saying, daughters usually become like their mothers, well I for one am proud to be my mother’s daughter.
So this week, please join me in wishing her a Happy 70th Birthday, and remind yourself, that we are all more than what societal roles say we are, and take a look at the trailblazers around you. Happy International Women’s Day!
