A Story That Stuck With Me
I recently saw an article about Katrina Kaif that showed up in my feed yesterday, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
For anyone who doesn’t follow Bollywood, Katrina is one of the most recognized actresses in India. If you grew up in an Indian household, you know the songs. We have multiple offices in India, and once you spend real time there, Bollywood finds you whether you went looking for it or not. She was at an event for the Ambanis, and she’s a fairly new mom. The media ran the most unflattering photos they could find, sitting right beside pictures of her from a few years ago. Before and after. Then they set her next to Aishwarya Rai and turned the whole thing into a tally of what both women weigh now compared to what they weighed then.
Two Months to “Bounce Back”
Where did we get the idea that a woman has two months to look like she was never pregnant?
I know many will say that it “comes with the territory,” you’re famous so your life belongs to your audience now. Hmm….. maybe. I’d still argue that grace shouldn’t depend on how ordinary your job is, and I’ve yet to see a photo spread about a man who gained ten pounds.
We don’t know what’s happening in her life. Maybe she’s up every night feeding her son because she doesn’t want a nanny and wants to do it herself. Maybe she’s exhausted and happy at the same time, the way most of us were 😊. We have no idea, and we’re commenting anyway.
The media does it because those stories sell. Who are they selling to? Us. We click, they publish more, and somewhere in that loop we all quietly agreed that a woman’s size is fair game for public debate.
I’m Not Standing on High Ground
I’m not standing on high ground here. I’m hard on myself too. Fifteen pounds snuck up on me after a certain birthday and has shown zero interest in leaving (believe me, I’ve asked politely 😊). I’m coming up on the big 5-0, and my body has plenty going on that a scale will never measure. And for the women who have always been a size 2 and stayed there, I’m not judging you either. I may envy you a little, but I don’t judge.
Pay attention the next time you go out with friends. Do you notice that when you enter a room, someone who’s lost weight hears about it in the first ten seconds. Someone who’s gained weight hears nothing at all, or is asked if everything is ok?
Different Cities, Same Conversation
I came home from running our Women’s Forums in Chandigarh and Noida a few weeks before I read that article, and it’s why the story stuck with me. Different cities, same conversation. What filled both rooms wasn’t work. It was the weight of what gets said to these women about how they look, or act, and how often it comes from their own families. An aunt at a wedding. A mother-in-law with an opinion about a photograph. A cousin who says it with a laugh so nobody can object. Ten seconds to say it, ten years to carry it in the back of your mind.
Watching women recognize their own experience in someone else’s story told me how much we need to learn to love ourselves. Not as a nice idea to put on a slide, but as the thing that decides whether a comment lands or passes right through you. Society is going to keep measuring us, but we should get to decide what we agree with.
Start With What Comes Out of Your Own Mouth
Start with what comes out of your own mouth. Praise the work, instead of the looks, and be specific about it. “That client call changed the whole room” means something. “You look great today” disappears in an hour. Ask how someone’s doing before you comment on how someone looks. And then be as generous with yourself as you’re trying to be with everyone else, because the grace you won’t give yourself is nearly impossible to hand to another woman.
I told the Sunster the other day that I am who I am right now, honey, and I’ll work hard to stay healthy and strong for you and the boys. The rest can sort itself out. That’s enough for him, and more importantly, for me.
